THE Best Trick to Neutralize Communication Conflicts

Reactive thoughts in your head like these:

• “How MANY TIMES have we discussed THIS?”
• “How can he NOT understand the impacts?”
• “Why would she want to do THAT?”

Our first instinct may be to respond with these thoughts, or a somewhat filtered version.

What we forget is that communication is complex and few people are masters of saying what we truly mean. One incorrect word, inadvertent tone or even a misplaced comma can convey a very different message than we intended. (We’ve ALL done this too!)

SO – what can we ALL do to reduce the madness?
It’s really super simple. It just takes a little practice.

1. When you feel that reaction in your gut, recognize it and take a quick pause.
2. (THIS is the hard part!) Now—assume that either the sender miscommunicated OR you’re misunderstanding the message. This is a significant mental shift for most of us. Most of us naturally want to assume we are right and other are not. Most of the time, we’re all a little grey.
3. Once you’ve grounded your perspective on #2, THEN respond to clarify before any debate.

Here are a few examples:

• Bill, would you explain that again? I’m not sure I understood.
  Clarifying you’re not currently, but you want to be aligned; and this gives him a chance to restate with more clarity.
• Jessica, I want to support your recommendation but I’m unclear about the part where xyz occurs. Would you share more on that?
  Indicates general support, but targets the area where there is potential conflict.
• Jose, I heard you reference Project X, but I think you meant Project Y?
  If we assume people mean one thing when they say another, it frequently leads to trouble. Simple clarifications like this can help avoid future conflicts. Also using “I heard” vs “you said” is taking ownership instead of accusing.

Bonus Tip: When responding in writing to particularly challenging communications, have a trusted colleague “sanity proof” your response.

When you do this consistently, others will reciprocate. It will also encourage everyone to put just a little more effort into communicating clearly, carefully and kindly.